Lately life can feel like it is spinning out of control. I find that it sometimes helps to sit down and write about it. So I guess I just need to make the time to sit and do it.
Since Allie was born, it has been a bit harder to fit everything in and still have me time. I have been trying to work out regularly on top of keeping the house clean, getting the girls fed and down for naps, somehow get a shower, and hopefully sleep at some point. The important things to me like CafeMom have been slowly slipping to the back burner. I have to tell myself that it is ok to just sit and get caught up and do my job there and let the things at home go for a bit.
I know it sounds silly that CafeMom is such a priority. But it is really important to me. I have friends there. I have never met most of them, yet they are better friends than I have had in a while. I can be honest with them and they truly support me. People there respect me, they trust me, they take my advice, better yet, they seek it out. That almost never happens in real life. I need that world to help me feel validated and important somehow. Joe has his job. Everyone trusts, respects, and adores him. I don't have that. Pregnancy is something that I am so passionate about. But in real life, there is not an outlet for that. That is why being a Mod for the pregnancy group is so important to me.
I guess it really does bug me that I don't feel respected in real life. Writing that previous paragraph helps me to see that more clearly. That's all I can say about that really. Hmmmm.
Working out. I've been doing it 2 to 5 times a week for 2 months now. I took a week and a half off over the holidays and that's it. I bike and swim. I realize they aren't the most strenuous workouts, but they are better than I have ever done before. However, I have gained 12 pounds. I know I need to eat better. I've been snacking a lot less and getting more vegetables than ever before. Still nothing. I am back to my highest non-pregnancy weight again. Once I got down to 190 before my surgery, I swore I would never go over 200 again. I guess I was wrong. And it is so frustrating. I see Dr. Belozer this week. I'm sure she will put me back on the Metformin. I desperately hope it makes a difference. I am struggling to find the motivation to keep working out, much less the motivation to even think about eating better on a serious basis.
Sleep. I haven't had a full nights sleep, or even more than a 3 hour stretch in months. I've gotten used to it I guess. For some reason I continue to torture myself and stay up way too late. Even though I have to be up with the girls in the morning. What is wrong with me? Every time I resolve to fix this problem, the girls keep me up late and I give up again. Ugh, I give up. I don't even know what I would do if I got to sleep like a normal person. Speaking of which, it is 1am and Allie is awake.
